C.R.A.Z.Y

Today i did received his reply ~
he had sent me those very hurt word ~

I cried for few hours ~
all my close friend and cousin call me, message me ~

just now went out with my friend ~
just because not to let them worry me ~

i force myself to eat 3/4 plate of spaghetti ~
but when i reach home, everything what i ate ~
vomited out ~

sorry all my friend ~
i know all of you worry and care of me ~
i know that ~

i can't say anything ~
what can say , just sorry ~

thanks to all of you that always stay beside me whenever i need all your support ~
thx ~ <3

Should I ?

Another new day for me to forget him little bit by little bit ..

May I knw is that he already saw all the gift ?
Can anyone tell me what is his response after he saw that ?
Did he feel a little bit of touch ? Although just a little bit enough ..
Who can tell me ?

Who can tell me, when he go to club, do he really enjoy at that moment ?
Do anyone can tell me, he didn't ever think back what last time he had told me in the club ?
Didn't he ever think back all the memories which belong me and him ?

He never miss all of that , even just a little bit ?

You :
Can you tell me what is in your mind ?
Can you tell me what are you thinking ?
Can you tell me what is your feel ?

Yes, I do ..
I do miss you no matter how busy I'm ..
U ? Do u jus like me too ?

Should I give up ?

To me :
Rachel, it's time for you to really let go of him ..
You are really being tired in keep on giving all your love to him ..
Is time for you to back to life and focus what u should focus on ..
Other than that, just can follow the flow of life ..
You have no excess of energy to keep on standing there ...
Everyone are worry of you .. You should be strong enough to adjust yourself back to the main point and start over again ..

Girl, I know you can do it ..
Trust yourself and all your friend and family ..
They will help you and by your side no matter how ..
Stand it up once again and last I will give u a clap .. =)

Tired

After the previous post, the whole week i was quite happy because i put all my heart and energy through the preparation of valentine's present for him ~

Monday i saw his friend and have a short chat ~
his friend told me that i have chance that maybe we will be back together ~
why ? he said that day when i chat with Alex in the phone, actually he was beside him
he said, after we finish chat, Alex look emo and keep thinking of me the whole night ~ even the whole night he din sleep ~

at first i heard all of this i was very happy and feel excited that what is his response after see the present ~
but through the following day, it seem like totally different compare to what his friend told me ~

i though he saw the present on valentine's day, wanted to ask him hw is it ?
but he didn't answer my phone ~
he also didn't reply my msg ~
until yesterday only i knw he haven receive the thingii ~

the other thing was ~
his friend planned to go club on this saturday ~
they asked me to go ~
but at last they said din go dy ~ because Alex tell them don ask me go ~
what does it mean ? is tat rejected again ?
what is in his mind exactly ? i don knw ~

today my friend told me that yesterday he went to college ~
but when he meet my friend, the first thing he said was " rachel at here ? if she's here, i eave first . "
what does he really mean to that ?
is that break up already we cant be friend anymore ?

This time u do really hurt me ~
After i heard that, straight away i cry ~
i went back home, even cry until going to faint ~
do he really care ? no ~ what he also don knw ~
 Im tired ~ tired in being so stupid ~
i had did what i should and shouldn't ~
but hat i get ? i get nothing ~

yes, you had win ~
you win my tears ~
infinity of tears ~

i had tired that i give so much of my care and love to you ~

Bless me *

Ready For Love ?

Yesterday I went to Olivia's Concert ~
Nice romantic voice ~
All the lyrics are so meaningful ~
It bring me back to the past memory between me and him ~

How i wish he was beside me at the moment, holding my hand and listen to those LOVE song ~
" will you give each other a chance to start over again ? "

Ready For Love ? 

Happy Valentine's Day ~ 

Wish cupid give me bless ~ <3 

3 days later ~

4 days more will be the Valentine's Day
every couple sure will spend their day with each other ~

Hw about me ?
will i get any surprise ?
will he still care of me ? will he make surprise for me ?
or maybe only i think too much ?

but i had planned something ~
i had prepare whatever i did ~
plan to send it to his house at klang after my class ~
place in his bedroom ~
when he finish work back home, will se the thingii in his room ~
will he get shock ? what response he will have ?
will he give the chance to start over again ?
I hope ~

but don knw why ~ just now i took a nap ~
after i woke up ~ suddenly feel stress ~
even stress until i cried ~
i scare he will reject and feel im annoying to do those thing ~
i scare he will act don knw ~
i scare i will get rejected once again ~
i have no energy ~ i'm not brave enough to get the fact again~
im scare ~ im scare !!!!

by the way ~ February are all about love ~
wish all of you Happy valentine's day ~ <3

A new start ~

今天的我～还算不错~没有哭～
为什么呢？ 因为昨天他回复了我的讯息～
他说他觉得还不能接受～害怕会伤害我们彼此～

我打了电话给他～
我们聊了起来～
至少他的语气还很好～不会有厌烦的感觉~
原来我最近的一举一动他都知道～ 应该他周围的朋友跟他说的吧～
他也知道我邦牙了～

我的消息，它很容易地就能知道～
但他的消息，我却很难得知道～

我们还聊了很多～
那么说～我们应该还有机会的吧～
又给我希望了～

他，应该有察觉到我的改变吧～

情人节那天～会给他惊喜哦～
我很笨吧～ 可是就只有他回让我做出那么笨的事情吧～

跟你聊天的感觉～真好～
好想快点能回到你的身边哦～

亲爱的主：
就你让我们在回一起吧～
保佑哦～ >^

心痛

前天晚上的我，又哭了～ 

一个人躲在房间了，痛苦的哭了～

为什么我会那么的爱他？

为什么我还会放不下？ 

凌晨5点钟～

我发了讯息给他～ 希望他还能给我们彼此最后一次机会～

但一直到昨天凌晨4点钟～

他并没有回复我～

是他没看到讯息吗？ 

还是他就连拒绝我，都懒了？ 

我真的那么令你感到厌烦？ 厌倦？反感吗？ 

为什么我们突然变成这样？ 

当初那么在乎对方的我们，去了哪里？ 

我～真的真的～ 

好像回到你的身边～ 

怎样，你才会理会我～

我很幸苦～

每天都会自然而然的想着你～

想到就难过～ 想到就心痛～想到就想哭～ 

谁可以就我～ 

我正的该放弃了吗？ 真的没后挽回的余地吗？ 

真的，你对我一点感觉都没有了吗？ >< 

妈妈骂我了～她每天看到我这副样子看得都心痛了～ 

她所说的我都懂~ 

我还年轻，为什么每天要为一个不爱我的人伤心流泪～值得吗？ 

对， 我还年轻～ 但我真的很爱他～ 

我很想忘了他，但不管我怎么努力，他每天都会出现在我脑海里～ 

很幸苦～ 

不想讲了，你们每天开到我所写的，都是一样的话题～

你们也觉得厌烦了吧？ 

不说了～ 

就让我的心～ 痛死吧～ 

I Wont't Give Up

early in the morning, still the same ~ i get scold again ~
without any reason ~ whole day's mood destroy ~

tuned of the day ~ I won't give up ~ jason mraz ~
think of you again ~ my feeling just same as the lyircs ~


I Won't Give Up <3

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

* i wont give up of my feeling to you ~ 

i wont give up for trying find you back ~ 

Funny

Why my parent so FUNNY ?!

They always said I din exercise !!
Then now I said I go jogging wit fren tomorrow morning ~
what the say ?
They said " why you got so many pattern ? "

What the fuck are you guys now ?!
Is that you guys want to close me at shop and home everyday ?
For sure one day I will be crazy I tell you !!

God is you, devil also you !!
If u don let me go !!
NEXT time don tell all the relative that I din go EXERCISE !!!

FUCK man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stress ~ flashback ~ hurt ~ miss ~ feelings ~ tears ~ love ~!

今天的我并没有跟往常一样~
还是想着他一整天~没有心情一整天~

昨晚表姐打了电话给我~ 话题还是一样~
不一样的，她终于知道了那个秘密~为什么~ 我还是放不下~
为什么~我会那么伤~
为什么~两个月了~我还是每天想起就会哭~

每天想起你的我~
只活在过去~放不下~
你~可否想念过我？
可否~想念会以前说有的事情~

一段段的爱情~
让我深深的伤过~
到最后~被丢下的~被遗弃的~还是我~

但~每一段感情都让我成长了很多~
但~我和他之间的感情~
我~真的~真的真的~不想那么轻易地放弃~
很傻吧？

或许，在我的人生~
再也不会去喜欢其他人~
因为~我过不了自己的那一关~

今天的我，一早起来就没有心情~
看到我的人都知道~
一旦压力到~差一点抽烟了~
吓倒吧?没想到我也有这样的念头吧~
但，到最后，我还是不敢碰~

我，再也不是你们以前认识的那个佩欣了。
现在的我，什么都会想。
可能你们会觉得我学坏了吧。

佩欣的感性世界：
我，不容易爱上一个人。
不随便喜欢上一个人。
如果一开始就没有感觉，就从不会给一丝希望。

如果一旦在一起了。
刚开始的我，就会对你忽冷忽热。
更着时间，慢慢的，我就会越来越关心你。
尽我所能爱护你。
这个时候的我，就是慢慢的，越采越深了。
我会不顾一些的对你好，甚至就连自己也不顾了。
重心就在你身上，那把自己也受伤害。

不爱就不爱，但一旦爱了，就很难回头了。
容易在感情上陷得深，容易受伤，容易为爱情而流泪。

就算自己有什么不满，但又怕对方会不喜欢，往往就会忍着不当一回事。
但因对方的不满，就会尽努力的改变。

这就是我对每段感情的执着，努力。
很笨吧？
但，为什么就是没有一个人会懂得珍惜呢？
一次，一次的伤害，一次一次地哭到吐心狗肺那样。
又有谁知道？又有谁会心疼？又有谁会真心的在乎过？

今天突然叫了几位朋友去游泳，送歇下心情。
还算不错。

有你们真好。=)

Good night >^

Second day of February ~

Early in the morning get scold by my mum again ~
she said " next time you better don have a family ! "
What the hell that early in the morning heard such bad thing from my own mother ?

Today i think of him, but i din emo ~
suddenly saw all the pic which captured with him in my ipad ~
i din emo and even i smiled ~
the sweet memory between me and him ~ we was so closed to each other ~ <3

when i back home, i packed my thing ~
i saw the birthday card that he wrote to me ~
this was what that make me emo again ~

yesterday night i had cried hardly again ~
one of my friend come and chat wit me ~
thx very much ~ gan ~

today is the 2 months anniversary that we broke up ~
yet, im still miss him very much ~ hoping him will come back to me ~ think back everything everyday ~
this kind of day, don knw still have how long i need to go through ~ =)

You're STRONG !! Rachel Bong !! =)

My mind

What is in my mind during this few days ?
Yes, again is ONLY him ~

Most of my friend around me, they keep on break and get back together with their partner many time but at last they still stick together ~

I had think many things~ at last I cried~

Is it ?
If in the future, although we get back together, the feeling wasn't the same as last time ?
We will feel akward together each other and less topic to talk to each oth anymore..
I don wan be like that..
I still wan the previous of the one who can be with me happily, sweetly ..


To : You <3

Thank you for once truly love me before ~
Thank you that let me lfall in love to you ~
Thank you for all what you had did to me ~ all the suprise
Thank you for let me know all your lovely friend and family members ~
Thank you that you let me grown up after this ~
Thank you that discuss with me about the future and introduce such a good product melaleuca ~
Thanks very much ~

I know that in this relationship I'm nt be enough mature ~
I had no giving you enough acceptance and trust and support ~
I always try to change you that normally boy wouldn't like to be change ~
I make this relationship out of energy anymore ~
And many more ~
All of this, sry for it ~

Don knwow when we still can talk to each other and meet each other le ?
Hope there will still have chance ba ~

Alys love you and support you ~







This few days I also truly think of my future ~
Maybe I will go to UK to continue my degree on next year ~ ( I think it also a good way for me to forget him ba )
Making this decision not only because him but also for my better future career ~
I know if I do really go to oversea, all my life will change, all my story will change ~
But it is good, right ?
Everything whether oN or not ? Just need my parent prove ~

If I go oversea study, will me and him have the faith in the future ?
I don knw, just let god decide for me ~ just let him continue write my life story for me ~
No matter how, he always in my heart ~ ATYF <3